To Get Up Again

A new day

Every day is a new beginning. I use to think like this every morning after the binge the night before. I am at my strongest in the mornings and weakest in the evenings. I wonder why that is? Anyway, today is a new day and I will once again pick myself up and continue the fight against a/b. It sure is a crazy roller-coaster ride. My stomach can’t handle the ups and downs and I sometimes feel like jumping off.

It seems the voice of a/b can also attack my loved ones, especially my anti-a/b allies. It creates misunderstandings, irritation and frustration between people. I suppose that must be what a parent of someone suffering from an eating disorder feels, and all that the voice of a/b has to tell me is that it’s my fault that the other person is suffering. It’s my fault for bringing a/b into the family. I’m the week one and should suffer alone. I made the choices affecting my life today. My loved ones do not deserve this pain which I am causing them. I should just stop eating altogether and die. Everybody will be able to then be happy and continue with their own lives.

But, this is the voice of a/b and my mission is to identify it in my thoughts. I should see it for what it is and refute its statements. Easier said than done, especially when I believe its statements from the onset. The fight is to separate myself from a/b’s truth, which is always a deception/lie. But when I’m week, I fall under its spell and become enslaved to a/b’s rules and regulations again.

Anyway, its morning and a new day and I will carry on fighting as hard as I can to free myself of a/b and the desperate need to have him in my life.