The Fight

The fight

Last night I was once again in the fight for my life with the voice of a/b. The fight normally starts during sessions with any of my counselors. It seems they are all anti-a/b and that aggravates and frustrates the voice in my head. I suppose the pressure gets too much for a/b when they start challenging a/b’s rhetoric/beliefs.

It feels like they get a/b going and then leave me alone to fight. A/b’s rhetoric doesn’t stop until I fall asleep in the evenings. It questions everything. It tells me that I’m alone and that nobody cares. Thank you to those who supported me via Twitter last night. Your support gave me strength to fight on.

An eating disorder’s main strategy is isolation, and feeling alone is a devastating thought for me. A/B needs me to be alone and without any distractions for its voice to be loud and clear. My suggestion to anyone suffering from an eating disorder and who feels anti-social is to fight against the urge to isolate yourself by getting social, quickly. It’s very hard, but every time I manage to refute a/b’s will, I end up somehow winning.

It always helps talking to non-judgmental friends even when they don’t really understand my problem. The simple act of caring and listening helps a great deal. If I give into the need for isolation I would be missing out on this way out and I will be completely at the mercy of a/b. There is no mercy in a/b, only self-hatred, envy, judgment and pain.

I am emotionally tired today and hope to get a break.