Anti-A/B Allies

A friend of the voice of A/B is no friend of mine

I can’t stress enough the importance of anti-a/b allies in my life. In the quest to understand the word “ally”, I once again consulted my dictionary. “Ally”; a person who co-operates with me towards a common purpose. So, an anti-a/b ally is someone who disagrees with the rhetoric of the voice of a/b and who helps identify the deception of its lies. You see, I can’t always differentiate between truth and lie. Whether it is what someone says directly to me or even just the words they use to describe someone else. The voice of a/b always makes it about me.

The love and heartfelt support of my anti-a/b ally is the only feedback I try and believe when they tell me who I am and how they see me. Unfortunately I only have one person in my life I trust with my heart and who I will actually listen too. This person unfortunately carries the brunt of a/b’s argument i.e. this person helps me by managing my meal plan. It’s complicated with portion size, carbs, proteins, fats and vegetables calculations. I can’t be involved with my meal plan because of the fact that a/b loves control and numbers. Anyway, I asked the question after dinner tonight whether this person measured my meal and the reply was NO. I sat staring with shock and disbelief and the voice of a/b immediately started telling me again and again that I can’t trust anyone except it. A/B said that I should restrict immediately by only eating half of every meal. It tells me that this person is taking shortcuts and that I should break the bond of trust. I want to restrict again…………I know I shouldn’t but I need to know that there is control. Without controlling my weight, I have nothing!!!!

Even whilst writing todays journal, a/b’s rhetoric is racing in my head. I feel guilt that I put so much pressure on this ant-a/b ally of mine. I see the tears in her eyes and I just hate myself even more. I hate being awake when a/b carries on and on and on and on…………….

What will I do if it weren’t for allies? I can’t believe anything the world says because I don’t know whether it’s the voice of a/b or not. I just want to be left alone. I just want to lose weight!!!!!!!