The facts are: The lies are:
I am unique I need to conform to a/b’s standard to be accepted.
I am a person of worth, just as I am thin equals worth
My body has suffered damage due to A/B I will forever be useless and a broken person
I do not need to please people I will never be accepted and loved
I have people who really care about me nobody takes me seriously; they think I’m a joke
I will be confronted with the voice of a/b I will not be able to ever rid myself of its presence
I am not perfect A/B can help me accomplish perfection
I like food I will be fat
Food nourishes my body the body is not worthy of life if it’s not thin
I can be a happy person I will never be happy FAT!
These are a few thoughts I am challenging. I can clearly see the irrationality of the voice of a/b in the statements above. It still comes down to changing and ultimately eradicating my poisonous core beliefs.
It least I can see how irrational and fake the voice of a/b is and how silly it is to believe it………….
Can anyone relate???
I totally relate and so much more than I would like. Fiction is so much easier than fact and fiction has existed longer than fact. What I have definitely realized is that I have been letting my guard down. It has been 3 years since rehab and I wouldn't say that it is that I fight less, but what I have realized in reading through your a/b journal is that I am less vigilant. And I know that has to change. One of the things that surprised me the most is that I have always felt unworthy of a/b, not skinny enough, I have always felt - even at my lowest weight - that I just wasn't getting it right. I remember being in rehab and telling my psychologist I didn't belong there, that I was not skinny enough and that I did not really have a problem - especially when I looked at some of the other girls. This is still something I battle with especially and it doesn't matter when so many people don't understand. It sounds terrible but it was such a relief to hear someone else say that they had had similar feelings. And then it just reminded me, like I am reminded today on how necessary it is to be present and to fight back - even on the small things, even when you are tired. Especially when you are tired. Because, truth, I do want to be a happy person and because deep deep down inside I believe it shouldn't be dependant on how I look or how much I weigh.
ReplyDelete