From Worthless to Worthwhile

From worthless to worthwhile

Worthless:

My eating disorder is based on the need for acceptance, love and self-worth. What that means is that I learned from a very young age that society judges an individual by what they see i.e. “You are what you eat” or “A healthy body houses a health spirit”. So, it is obvious that if I eat fat I am fat and that a fat body houses a poor, sickly, useless and undisciplined spirit. You see what I mean……….?

I was slightly overweight as a young teenager and as such was never good enough and people weren’t shy to comment that I should lose some weight. The people who made these comments, where thin, athletic, successful and attractive. Where my family was poor, these “perfect” people seemed to have it all. The voice of anorexia/bulimia used this fact to “prove” that fat made me bad, stupid, ugly, worthless and hopeless. It seduced me by instilling the belief that if I lost weight, I would be like them, “perfect, beautiful, intelligent and successful”.

So, as long as I wasn’t as slim and fit and tall as them, I was worthless, and since then, from the age of 15 until today, age 34, I felt worthless. That’s 19years of self-hatred and self-rejection.

The thought that I lost out on enjoying my teens and twenties, flares up deep anger and regret.

How could I have been so stupid? Why did these so called “perfect” people not know what they were doing to me? How could adults allow their children to think this way?

No use crying over spilled milk. I need to reclaim the rest of my life and the time is now.

Worthwhile:

Who am I today?

I am a unique person. There has never, and will never be another person like me!

I am not perfect. But nobody is!

I have opportunities to live my life to the fullest.

I have people in my life that loves and accepts me for who I am. I do not need pro a/b people in my life. There are enough anti-a/b people I can choose from.

I have inner strength. The fight against anorexia/bulimia proves this.

I have hope!!! Every day is one step closer to freedom.

I can love.

So, how can anybody be worthless when they are unique? There is only one of me! Only one who can be who I am! How can I be worthless? According to what standard? According to who’s opinion?

No! I am worthwhile just like I am. I am worthwhile by just being me!