Biting The Hand That Starves Me

Biting the hand that starves me

After the incredible assault from the voice of anorexia/bulimia last weekend, I’m prepared for anything this weekend. However, I feel stronger and much more determined to bite the hand that wants to starve me.

I realize that anorexia/bulimia’s arguments are constant and repetitive i.e. he tries to convince me that I am a sorry excuse for a human being and that I need anorexia/bulimia to fix me, so that I can regain self-respect and meaning. But this is a lie! I don’t need a/b in my life to feel better about myself. On the contrary, I need to get rid of a/b if I want to regain a happy and content life. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this…….. This must be a victory!!!! And this is how I have been feeling since Monday morning, the day after my struggle.

It is possible to beat a/b! I can see hope now!

There is no secret to fighting back. Just like anyone would kick and scream and claw at anybody who threatens once life, so it works with the voice of a/b. When it approaches me with its rhetoric and seduction I simply have to not give in to his arguments even when he seems right and especially when he offers proof of what its saying. I don’t care how true a/b sounds, I have to remember that he is a deceiver and a killer with only danger, pain and sadness in store for me. It is of course much more difficult as it sounds and I am not denying the overwhelming assault by a/b, but I am saying that victory is possible. I believe it because I have now experienced it firsthand. I had no idea that it would even be possible. After all, so many people stay trapped under a/b’s spell for years, even after rehab or personal near death experiences.

I can understand the hold a/b can have on a person especially when the person has deep emotional scars and unresolved pain. A/B offers relief of the pain and hope in a world where we are constantly rejected and belittle by others.

Well, I am not allowing my life to be stolen from me any longer. I have lost most of my youth to this pathetic thing called a/b and I am taking control from today. Anxiety is still there, A/B is still trying to seduce me and people still make comments towards me in “ignorance”. Can I change that? No! Can I control others? No!

But, can I work on knowing and loving myself again? Absolutely YES!!!!! Can I be loving to others and to my own body? Yes! And can I help others who are stuck in the same prison? Absolutely YES!!

So this is my strategy going forward:

1.       Work on knowing and understanding my enemy a/b

2.       Work on knowing an understanding my friend, Me.

3.       Sharing my experience with others in order for others to find hope, life and freedom.

I can’t remember the time when I felt this optimistic and hopeful. I hope every prisoner brakes free and find the joy, peace and grace which I can taste already.