A/B's Decption

Try identifying A/B’s rhetoric in my thoughts………

Regarding my previous blogs, my psychologist made me aware of the fact that a/b has once again managed to disguise its voice as my own.

As you know, I have been highlighting the voice of a/b in red. This helps me identify and separate the voice of a/b from my own. My psychologist noticed that I have only been highlighting the negative and very distinct voice of a/b in red and left many other statements it made in black (not recognized by myself). She explained that the voice of a/b does not only base its rhetoric on the negative  but will also disguise itself in certain positive statements i.e. in my previous blog I mentioned siting in the waiting room at the dieticians were I sat opposite a clearly anorexic girl. I mentioned that I felt she was beautiful and that I longed to be as beautiful and thin. This was clearly an a/b statement/thought which I mistook as my own. So, I will be very careful during my search for the voice of a/b in my next blogs. If your recovery is based on identifying the voice of a/b, I suggest you be just as careful.

A/B is a master of deception and it has no desire of being identified. Its needs me to believe that I want what it wants, and once I believe that it is all me and that I am the problem, it will have power over me to do with what it wants. What does a/b want? It wants me dead!!!! I’ve rearmed that a/b’s nature is one of self-deprivation and pain.  It needs acceptance and approval. It loves perfection and punishes me when I don’t reach its unobtainable goals. That is why I know, that if I don’t absolutely repudiate all that a/b stands for, it will kill me. I am fighting for my very life! I don’t want to die.

I am going to live, and live without the voice of anorexia/bulimia!!

I feel better today. Thank you Maryke.