Hope

Hope

“Hope is a good thing, and a good thing never dies.” The Shawshank Redemtion.

This phrase became imprinted in my mind many years ago whilst watching my favorite film at the time, for the umpteenth time. Today, I can finally say that I truly understand the meaning of the word, “HOPE”.

Hope; “To cherish a desire of good with some expectation of fulfillment”, in other words to believe that something better is coming and I have this expectation today!

It’s incredible how Jesus can change a person. Late last year I would never have believed that I had any hope of a future and finding unconditional love was just a fairytale, a myth. But today I can truly say that hope is alive and well and His name is JESUS! Love has a voice; Love has a name, JESUS! JESUS!

The scary thing is that I always had hope and love; but self-hatred, self-rejection, fear and shame didn’t allow me to see it. I wasn’t allowed by guilt and a/b to believe that I am loved. You see, I have learned that the voice of anorexia/bulimia is all about rejection, pain, hatred guilt and shame. A/B doesn’t love me. He has never loved me and woven into his empty promises were the poison of death. How could I have believed anything the voice of a/b said to me?

But, I have grace for myself because, like I’m sure anybody suffering under a/b will agree, It is not easy in that dark hole to think clearly. How can anyone think clearly when the brain is starved of nutrients and rest? How can anyone think clearly when a/b’s rhetoric is a nonstop noise in ones ear? No! Anybody will have the same struggle as I had.

A/B is becoming weaker now. It has lost its hold over me as I continue to discern between its truth and Jesus’s truth about me. It’s incredible how a/b cannot stand against the real truth. It can’t argue even when it tries. It can’t stand! THERE IS HOPE!!!!

There is freedom for those willing to fight the hard battle against anorexia/bulimia, but don’t attempt this alone. Get support from Christian psychologists and dietitians. Surround yourself with Christian anti-a/b people and get to the feet of Jesus. This is where I am at the moment and its safe, warm, loving, merciful and peaceful here. I should have done this years ago, but I was too stubborn and hard hatred. I thought in my heart that Jesus was just a myth, a lie to subdue the human race into a submissive herd.

Today I see how stupid I was to think this. Jesus is alive and well and He is just waiting to stretch out His hand to rescue anyone who asks Him. Just do it! Why wait until you get to the gates of death? Why wait until your body is damaged and broken? Why wait when you can have it now?

 So there is hope, but it will take a step of faith to get to this place. It will take another battle against unbelief which you will need to conquer, and this is where most people fail. Unbelief is powerful but necessary to get to a place of victory. In fact, it’s essential.

I hope that the person reading my journal will give Jesus a chance. He rescued me and He will surely rescue you.