Why Weigh?
Today is weighing day again and I have made an anti-a/b decision not to weigh myself this week. So, a/b is going nuts in my head regarding this, and I feel a strange feeling of satisfaction of seeing a/b freaking out J
The strange thing is that I was convinced that a/b was this unbeatable powerful force which no one should or could ever challenge. Now my opinion is changing to the contrary. A/B is losing its power by my anti-a/b decisions and actions.
Make no mistake, It’s not easy and I will never say to a fellow prisoner of a/b that they should just get over it or that they should stop feeling sorry for themselves. If only it was this easy to fee oneself from the overwhelming hold of anorexia/bulimia. It’s a battle to the death. It always has been my life or a/b’s life, but both of us can’t stay alive together. One must die and it is not going to me!!
To those reading my journal I would like to specify specific anti-a/b decisions and actions which work for me. Perhaps you will find value in my experience.
Anti-A/B Decisions & Actions:
- No Secrets! I tell my anti-a/b allies about when I restrict/ binge or stray from my meal plan
- No Silence! I verbalize everything the voice of a/b says to my anti-a/b allies. I do this immediately when a/b’s rhetoric starts. They can assist me then with dissecting the deception and help me find the rational truth. Don’t forget to journal!
- No Numbers! Hence not ever knowing my weight, not even if my weight went up or down. Also not knowing how many Calories is packed in my daily meal plan.
- No Restricting! Even when no one’s watching me. I eat regular and balanced throughout the day.
- No Guilt for eating, even when I feel as big as a whale! This is a difficult one, but it is essential to my recovery because it’s the worst weapon the voice of a/b has against me.
- Not believing the lies of a/b i.e. how bad and worthless he says I am! No body’s perfect and I am allowed to be a normal person with my own faults and failings.
- Not forgetting Jesus! Jesus tells me that I am worth more than anything. Why would he have died for me if I wasn’t special and worthwhile to him? The truth about who I am is found by spending time with Jesus.
I just wish that people who don’t know the struggle we have with an eating disorder, would make the effort to try and understand, because they can, and often do more harm than good. Recovering from an eating disorder starts with understanding, and then the hard work begins. It’s a long and hard battle with many failures and victories along the way, but if one can continue fighting back, freedom, happiness and peace are sure.
I will continue to use the value of resilience and the grace of God to fight with all my strength for my freedom. I hope you do too.
